My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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