my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize