I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
