The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize