First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
