allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
