The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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