I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Ketchup is God's man juice
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize