Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize