I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
