Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
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