she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
