Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
