Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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