I only kidnapped one of them. chill
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
