I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
