the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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