i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
