she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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