dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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