This dress was meant to end up on your floor
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
