Define "chronic" masturbator.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
