just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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