um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
