We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
