a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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