so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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