Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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