I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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