Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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