didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Come see our sink grown plant.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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