mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
