Pappa wants mamma naked
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
