My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Randomize
