I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My liver just had a heart attack.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
