i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
