JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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