don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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