$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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