I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
