Nicole vs. Life
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
