is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
