so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
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