Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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