Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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