She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
