just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
