I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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