I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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