Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
