You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I have aggressive nipples.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
