I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just high enough for therapy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize