Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
