Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
