Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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