Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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