I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize