There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
