There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize