Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
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