I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
