What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
