My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
