i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You've changed since you got that strap on
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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