theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize