Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
