Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
